Pathan Jokes

Pathan bought a new mobile.

He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

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Pathan : I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Pathan : No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

Interview with sardarjith

A sardarji goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts
with the basics. "So, Mr, can you tell us your age, please?"

The sardarji counts carefully on his fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22."

Comments on Marriages

Man: Is there any way for long life?

Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

Phone Bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.


*Dad:* People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone.

I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

*Mom*: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone

*Son*: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile

*Maid*: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones

A forward

This is a smart one...worth forwarding endlessly...cheers ! ! !

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech. And they say Kashmir belongs to them’.

This is one mail I recommend to be shared with 'ALL INDIANS'…including the world at large !

Humour in Law

These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________________ ___________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_________________ ____________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

Tutu Mon and Tintu Mol

Evergreen Lovers

To ,
Tintumol
UKG A.

Dear Tintumol,

Dream of an Husband

What will be the utmost dream of an husband



guess..
guess..
guess..

Two Nuns....its damm funny...

Two Nuns....its damm funny...

This is cute

There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL)..

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working..

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

eat your heart out hahahahaha

Roles in Heaven

Brahma
Systems Installation


Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support


Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant

Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management


Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)


Ganesh
Quality Assurance & Documentation

Narada
Data transfer


Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant


Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records


Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses

Devas
Mainframe Programmers


Surya
Solaris Administrator


Rakshasas
In house Hackers


Ravan
! ;Internet Explorer WWWF

Lakshman
Support Software and Backup


Hanuman
Linux/s390

Jatayu
Firewall


Dronacharya
System Programmer


Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects


Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)


Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )

Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)


Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer


Draupadi
Motivation & Team building


Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM


Duryodhana
Microsoft product Written in VB


Karna
Contract programmer


Dhrutarashtra
Visual C


Gandhari
Dreamweaver


100 Kauravas
Microsoft Service Packs and patches

Some Funny Equations

SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT

An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

One Chinese gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896

Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.


Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.

4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.

Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol..

Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favorite serials.

Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan

Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt

1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film

Nice Love letter to (Must Read Guys and Girls)

Amazing Love letter


Must Read Guys and Girls

An Escaped Lion Enters a Workshop

Unbelievable…



Technicians at a car repair shop were having a normal day at work, when suddenly a nervous looking LION came out of nowhere...seemingly hungry because of how skinny his body looks



Workers freaked out, jumping over each other, some locking themselves up in cars, some in the offices, and some just ran away...but one brave guy took the picture of this Lion without making a sound....and there was the SHOCK when the Lion turned around...nobody could believe it

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Urr… Urr….(?)…. Lol…Lol….Vuvv…

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Turns out it's a dog. The dog has been shaved in such a way to look like a Lion, by the owner…

Creativity on everything……

An Old Monkey Story With A New Ending

It's an old story that we read in Class 3 but with a new ending.

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under
one of
the trees,
so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he
woke
up and realized that all his hats were gone.
He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and
they had
taken all his hats.
The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.
While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the
monkeys
were doing the same.
Next, he took down his own hat, the
monkeys did exactly the same. An
idea
came to his mind*
He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that
too. So
he finally managed to get all his hats back..

Fifty years later, his grandson, Sukhwinder, also became a hat-seller
and
had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.

One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It
was
very hot, and he took a nap under the
same tree and left the hats on the floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on
the
tree.
He remembered his grandfather's words, started scratching his head and
the
monkeys followed.

He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys
followed.
Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, Sukhwinder threw his
hat on
the floor but to his surprise,
the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor,
gave
him a slap and
Guess!!! Said what???


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"You think only you have a grandfather !!!???"